Journaling has become an increasingly popular practice. Journal writing allows self expression, self exploration, and the development of self knowledge. Keeping a journal provides a way to record the details and memories of your life, preserve your thoughts and ideas, and a means to express yourself, explore new ideas, and address and -- sometimes -- resolve problems.

Where journaling is normally a solitary act, it's also possible to create a couple's journal. This is a journal used and shared by two people involved in an intimate and committed relationship. Unlike a "family" journal, sometimes used to capture the life of the family as a whole, a couple's journal is more intimate and connected to the life and soul of the relationship, intended as a way to explore, bring together, increase mutual understanding, and develop the relationship. It's a record and memoir of the relationship, and a means to strengthen and develop it.

Why Keep a Journal?

A journal provides a place for you as a couple to explore and express your thoughts, feelings, ideas, questions, and concerns both in hindsight and as you feel them. It provides you with a forum for exploring one another and reflecting upon your relationship -- where it has been and where you want to it to go. It provides a means for you to better understand yourself as an individual within a relationship and to better understand and improve the relationship itself.

Your journal can be a place for you to talk and be honest with yourself and with one another, as two individuals and as a couple, and your journal can allow you to get in touch with parts of your relationship that are hidden under the surface, perhaps hidden from both of you. A journal is also a place to record your history as a couple so that you can look back on the development of your relationship, from the memorable days and the difficult times to the routine day to day events of your life together.

The Individual Within the Couple

Look inside any relationship and you'll find individuals within. Even so, a relationship can take on a life of its own, often defining the people within it as though they weren't individuals. Although this sort of "blending" two individuals into a single relationship is an important and natural part of any significant relationship, it can also be deadening to individuality and personal growth. This, in turn, can be deadening to the relationship.

Each individual within the relationship has her or his own perspective and way of understanding the world, and the relationship. In this regard, each person brings something unique to the relationship that the other partner may not see or experience. One object of sharing a couple's journal is to bring these individual perspectives to the surface where they can be further explored, understood, and integrated into the experience of both partners and the relationship as a whole.

A couple's journal is only truly valuable and useful when addressed to each of the individuals within the relationship. By improving relationships, the people within them are improved. By improving the people in relationships, the relationship is improved.

The Value of Your Journal

It would great if everything we did in our daily lives felt valuable and self-improving to us. That will never be the case, so it's all the more important to design your daily life so that it includes features that lead to satisfaction, self-improvement, and personal growth. A journal can become a valuable tool in your growth as individuals and as a couple, and a valued possession. But its value will be built entirely upon the level of your effort and involvement.

Journaling as a Couple

When you begin work on a journal entry, you must both be ready and committed to the task and prepared to put in the time and effort involved. This doesn't mean that both partners have to contribute the same amount of effort or time, but it does mean that both partners must have agreed to the process of journal writing, and the goals. Unlike a personal journal, you are completing this journal together.

When and How to Use Your Journal

If you take your journal writing seriously, it will become important to set aside time to write. Make journal writing an important part of your life, and use your journal. You can write in your journal as the day proceeds, or set aside time each day for writing. Whereas a personal journal is likely to be "silent," involving the private musings of one individual, a couple's journal will invoke discussion, both during entries and after. Journaling is not meant to take the place of talking, but should instead promote and facilitate deeper and more significant communication.

Phil Rich

Phil Rich, EdD, MSW, DCSW is the primary author of the eight books in The Healing Journey series of self help journaling books published by John Wiley & Sons. He maintains a private practice in Northampton, Massachusetts.

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