Doing what we “should” comes naturally – it is an innate skill. We consistently distinguish what we want, and what we like. Why is a change something we fear? Why do we resist doing what we “should,” often putting off what we want? We often resist change, in order to evade our feelings – to avoid risking anxiety, fear, guilt, insecurity, etc. Each change, every new idea, contains unknown variables, and it takes courage to risk doing something new. What gets in our way of realizing our dreams then? Why are we reluctant to take a chance and go after what we want?

We have a second skill called imagination that functions in one of two ways, for us or against us. Why do we visualize unwelcome outcomes, and think about adverse possibilities? We do this while attempting to get a sense of the risk we are contemplating. We want to be sure, of how we will feel once we begin taking action. Many of us believe that if we can sense safety, or at least perceive well being, that we are safe to follow through. Picturing the odds of fear or doubt ahead of time brings about feelings. We imagine the same feelings that we are looking forward to, hoping to avoid. Even though the risk is not yet underway, we may get a feel for what we dislike, making it impossible to take action. Many people are unwilling to take action toward what he or she dislikes, and in so doing, the person must push his or herself. Many people wait to do something until they are absolutely getting the feeling that they are without choice.

Many fail to realize the fact that we can choose what expectations to imagine. We can picture fun and adventure, giving rise to suitable emotion, and get a feel for success, and ultimately, this will encourage us to try. The choice is our own. We can visualize hardship or we can imagine success and rewards. Undue attention directed toward what we dislike causes needless concern. It causes us to be afraid of trying, and it draws undesirable outcomes in our minds – we fear the unknown to a stronger degree when we imagine the worst part of change.

Many self-help Authors today subscribe to the theory that our problems stem from the use of the word, “should”, while, in reality, it is the word “shouldn’t” that is affecting us.